You really coming over, don't trick.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize