we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
