definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
