Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
