Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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