I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
