My friends, they love my intelligence
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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