We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
