Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just gargled with NyQuil
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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