Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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