I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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