Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
