Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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