Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
