Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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