That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
