I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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