just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize