i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
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