Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
