i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
