Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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