They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
