i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
