Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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