I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
