Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
