I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
