Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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