after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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