he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
