I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
