Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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