i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize