i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
