She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
