It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
