My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Let's paint friendship bongs
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
