My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This is my gift to your gina
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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