Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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