Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
