everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
