I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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