Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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