i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
