very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize