I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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