You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
