Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
