Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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