Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
