i think i have two assholes
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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