Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
