I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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