I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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