How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
This is the high leading the old right now
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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