I'm so fucking centered right now
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
