I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
