from now on my penis is your penis
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
