Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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