I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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