He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize