There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
