weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
