and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
