Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize