the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
