he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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