she woke up with a sticky ear
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
