Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
