fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
