don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
